God Too Awaits Light

The wings of my thought

are too short to climb God’s height

or blue deeps of peace:

I stand on the edge of

earth’s physicality

elements clack

in the small house shudder

the harp and strings

I don’t know how

the bones grow in the womb

still in darkness

the heartbeats pronounce

the balance of nature

look for body’s love–

the mystery song echoes

some truths not spoken

the mind creates

withdrawn to its own pleasures

a green thought

behind the banyan tree

behind the flickering lust

painting the glow

in the green forest

unseen fingers

how to weigh the breath

the flame the soul or the ash

the body conceals:

I can’t turn my inside out

nor know life’s weight when lifeless

each death a passage

to surprise the dead-

awareness matters

between earth and sky

it disappears, one with

elements, quiet

there’s no way to know the thread

or its mechanism that binds

the heart’s rhythm:

dust smells beneath the feet

above the head

secures life now or

beyond what if I can’t feel

the weight of the color

on the leaves on the tree maybe

shrinking into itself

measure wisdom

to unknow, now lower gaze

and look within

sexless meditate

in the darkest of hours

negotiate peace

with self and rest even if

I exist in my suffering

flickers of peace

hide god in running brook:

love in nudity

I can’t awaken

nor can I rise from the ash

to be my real self

I am still lost in meanness

no third eye could locate

moistened eyes

draw me near divine

for a while

unknowable

the soul’s pursuit hidden

by its own works:

the spirit’s thirst, the strife

the restless silence, too much

my bedroom

dust-covered crucifix

still time

on the prayer mat

the hands raised in vajrasan

couldn’t contact God-

the prayer was too long and

the winter night still longer

hidden

in the cave of the heart

little fire

hiding helplessness

in the luxury of prayers

I raise a wall

a babel of deception

through cocktail of drug and desire

who sees the smoke

of the thumb-sized flame

the body burns

I can’t know her

from the body, skin or curve:

the perfume cheats

like the sacred hymns chanted

in hope, and there’s no answer

rising godward

prayers on the waving

incense stick smoke

plodding away at

season’s conspiracies

life has proved untrue

with God an empty word

and prayers helpless cries

play the seasons:

the thirst is ever new

and blissful too

discourse on heaven

and after-life pleasures

is self-bullying

to live without meaning

midst searches for the lost

half-fleshed faces

track from behind the window:

rawness of journey

little candles fail

to illumine the deity

or golden dome

in the valley darkness reigns

and god too awaits light

lying listless

on withered creeper

a golden bird

so inciting

the hell of cyber world

they forget to pray

and multiply their pain

corroding consciousness

wiping his face

under the umbrella

an old man with books

they can’t close their eyes

to the images I brew

for burying secrets

against a dusty mirror

against God’s hidden errors

in bed the body

its own antidote if itched

for love wasted sex

it doesn’t matter-

whining in sleep or whinging

is part of crazy

nature in race with itself

and god a convenience

no prayer helps

trust shrinks life without love

time’s running out

the cocktail of drink

drug and meditation-

nightly yelps

tease unshared guilt

the hell of silence

frightened

of my muddy feet

god in temple

unable to see

beyond the nose he says

he meditates

and sees visions of Buddha

weeping for us

hanging

door protector-

Buddha

the whole night they blare

senseless mantras to arouse

gods and keep mortals

from sleep without caring how

they hurt the old, sick and child

restlessness of night

now frightens the morning sun

I can’t even breathe

psalms or no psalms

workers of iniquity

shoot their arrows

with praising lips and god

flees to see their shrewd schemes

vultures waiting for

the remains of sacrifice

on the temple tree

the nightly ghosts crowd

my mind’s passage to forge

gods’ names in disguise

I fail to scan the face

of thought and life in the dark

knocking emptiness

I cross the valleys within

now stand at stone gate

they don’t sing praises

with understanding if they knock

the door will open:

love compels descent of divine

in white silence reigns spirit

sunrise

behind the temple

cloud’s edge

it’s prayer to sink

into her flesh and bury

myself in her breast

to escape the faithless hands

that never became mother

fingers feel

decaying fireflies

in lamplight

stains of dried dewy

tears on the eyelids tell of

the load on her mind:

clothed in spring the willow twigs

reveal the changed relation

perfume of wine-

remembering the bouquet

she gave me once

locked in the shadows

of unrolled curtains her love

in the lone boudoir-

she plays tunes on the violin

flowers fade at the window

awake

alone on the housetop

a sparrow

she senses all things

changing as she passes through

the city again:

should I leave the old house or

lie in the grave before death

prayer book

covering the glass-

his last drink

at the river

she folds her arms and legs

resting her head

upon her knees and sits

as an island

on the river’s bank

his soul is lighted for peace-

lantern in the sky

is it her quietus

that she roars in herself

like a sea

waves upon waves

leaps upon herself?

unable to map

on the face where her pain ends

and mine begins

the wind lifts

her curved nudity

in the water curtain

I touch the strings that whisper

love in each falling drop

caressing

her pregnant belly-

water lily

shaped like a bird

a drop of water lands

on her breast:

my breath jumps to kiss it

before her pelvic flick

the morning sun

fondling with tender fingers

the red roses

gods couldn’t change the rhythm

of the body and its needs:

erotic scars stick

after three decades love waves

tense the flesh and rock the night

tangle together

flames of a double lamp

on the terrace

before the foamy

water could sting her vulva

a jelly fish passed

through the crotch making her shy-

the sea whispered a new song

a drop embedded

in the half-opened bud-

winter morning

swirling spiral

of her skirt spills tides of dream

and memory:

I breathe fire in the dance

forgetting bends and twists

after the tumble

buried between the sheets

leftover passion

when I wanted to change

seats my friend said she can

only if the door’s locked

the light out and her mom

in another city

in naked dress

she plays hide and seek-

sizzling summer

she hears the voice

of unrealized bliss in

the coos of koel

at the window sill this evening

rains love and delight

her fingers push

the roots into the earth-

touch-me-not

when I inhale in

your mouth and exhale stroking

hair or caressing

I ride you into joy and

make you hail morning like earth

on her back

write with hair a light poem-

weight of love

life limits between

whence the sun rises and where

it goes to relax:

joys of fleeting moment

I see Aditi in your eyes

from the peepal

swirling rain drops-

palms open

when I have no home

I seek refuge in the cage

of her heart and close

my eyes to see with her nipples

the tree that cared to save from sun

a sleeping snake

curled between the eggs-

layers of leaves

the smile you weave splits

the sun I lose my direction

in clouds that cover

the banks darkening the white

of the lake moon kissed

the sky

without a shadow

on the earth

in the forest of her hair

my finger searches

the little pearl of blood

that stirs the hidden waters

and contains my restlessness

lying in her nightie

she wipes the stray raindrops

settled on her cheeks

drinking evening star

blue green patterns before eyes

no meditation

no god visits to forgive

the sinning soul in solitude

spread on the white sheet

fragments of my sin deride

tainted threshold

exhausted she sleeps

unaware of my presence

this warm night carefree

I croon my spring song alone

and fill the void with new dreams

musky perfume

open unsleeping eyes-

drowsy sweetness

as I repose in

the wrinkles of her face

I feel her crimson

glow in my eyes her holy

scent inside a sea of peace

in silence

one with the divine will

growing within

love is the efflux

from her body spreading

parabolic hue-

enlightens the self I merge

in her glowing presence

a red globe

rises at dawn:

waving corn

love’s spirit descends

and melds into her body

lending it new life:

I’m amazed how the unknown

becomes one with her beauty

sea waves

roll from far away

white peaks

the power goes off

suddenly summer heat chokes

in bed sleepless she turns

undoing a hook or two

of her tight blouse

love tickles

with erect pistil:

hibiscus

on the roof top

she waits for her man with

moon cake and lantern:

a flash of silver showers

on the mist-shrouded figure

love making

he melts into her

time stands still

hearing him talk dung

she doubts his integrity

and curses him for

emitting lava from mouth:

I regret stomach upset

her lonely grief

melts in the candle wax

evening’s dark floor

I thought I would make

tea for her but she was sleeping

I didn’t wake up

our back faced each other

once again cold birthday

the wax dips

down the long candle-

a soft hum

after a tiff

lying under the same blanket

two of us stare

the peeping moon and turn

with glee to each other

her smile

arrival of spring

at the bower

the flirtation ends

with a tiring sleepless night-

summer solstice

no use telling myself again

things would change this time next year

travelling back

from the waves of bliss

a foam-leap

wrinkles on the skin

remind me of time’s passage

year by year travelled

long distances renewing

spirit and waving goodbye

crowded streets

moving among the years

wretched faces

ghosts rise to mate

in moonlight tear the tombs

frighten with fingers

rhino horns rock the centre

granite sensation

between the streetlight

and window pane howling

a wolfish shadow

I fear the demons

rising from my body

at midnight crowding

the mind and leading the soul

to deeper darkness

flowing darkness

consumes shadow of shadows-

midnight sensation

sleep the night with

desires wrapped in blanket-

spring in the eyes

gods couldn’t change the rhythm

of the body and its needs

hitching up the skirt

she fills her pockets with

unripe mangoes

dreams puzzling

smallness of waking

I can’t live

the child’s circumcision

promise of happiness

twilight glimmer

crevices and corners

dawning silence

awake in dream time

I look for the candle-

love’s invitation

lighting up in the dark

and sing the body’s song

drifting

in the night’s silence

moon’s shadow

a moment of love

and long silence for years:

from dream to nightmare

again fear grips my soul

I sense her presence around

living again

fountain on the hilltop-

divine light

short nights and long days

sleep loss rustles a friction

echoing in bed

the cycle of cravings

over and over again

hidden between the sheets

my smothered senses-

salted honey

layers of dust thicken

on the mirror water makes

the smuts prominent:

I wipe and wipe and yet

the stains stay like sin

time moves slow

in bed the game of flesh

sweet suavity

I love her undress

the light with eyes that spring

passion with kisses

she leaves her name again

for my breath to pass through

in the bath

bare soul together-

after glow

it’s not ageing

but eternal delight

you under me

smooth belly nude necking

slow stroking parting flesh

eternity

too short to quench

love

the beads of sweat

on her breast do not touch

her years or face

in candle light her shadow

is more restrained than my thought

touching her tattoos

in the darkness of mirror

moon from the window

my voice

brown like autumn

crushed in noises I can’t

understand days pass in colors

buried

peeling paint

from the drawing room-

shadows flicker

sin-maker or

sin-eater both author

the snake in sea

swimming unending love waves

in colors that cloud the eyes

she undresses in

dim light perfumes her body

fills room with herself

a mist covers

the valley of her body

leaves memories

like the shiver of cherry

in dreamy January

stoops to set

pleats of her saree-

mid August

my hand

held out in the dark

remained empty:

no one reached it to give

the joy of the meeting hands

a crescent

in the western horizon-

missing the moon

a tidal wave

touches the shore to wipe

my naked footprints

and leaves behind some shells

pebbles and memories

spread on white sheet

fragments of my sin deride

tainted threshold

watching the waves

with him she makes an angle

in contemplation:

green weed and white foam break

on the beach with falling mood

her name

written on the sand

a wave breaks

crazy these people

don’t know how to go down

with the swirl and up

with the whirl but play

in the raging water

the half moon

on her neck reminds of love

before departure

they couldn’t hide the moon

in water or boat but now

fish moonlight from sky:

I watch their wisdom and smile

why I lent my rod and bait

setting sun

leaves behind sparkle

on the waves

a cloud-eagle

curves to the haze

in the west

skimming the sail

on soundless sea

candling in vein

leave marks of teeth on her neck

utter holiness

awaiting the wave

that’ll wash away empty hours

and endless longing

in this dead silence at sea

I pull down chunks of sky

night’s passage

on the beach with her-

silky sting

heaven is

the frisson of union

with fishwife

behind the boulders

on sea beach

fingers grope

the leaking pulp

moist lips

the chains multiply

wrap life in the skin of water

crying quits to an acomous sky:

the mute soul suffers

the oozing filth

after the party

empty chairs in the lawn-

new moon and I

weaving no web

a dark fishing spider

mates in the creek

and curls up hanging from the twat

in one-shot deal

smell a snake

in the wet grass-

her smile

the lips in her eyes

and long hours in the mouth

no moist secret

between us to reveal:

now our back to each other

float over the hill

the autumn circle of smoke-

her long hair streaming

tears dry up

leaving no marks where her pain

ends and mine begins

on the face makeup damp

with aching sweat and cold sighs

aged sensations

lord over memory:

deeper sorrows

the mirror swallowed

my footprints on the shore

I couldn’t blame the waves

the geese kept flying over the head

the shadows kept moving afar

swimming with the wave

stuck in the loop in water

wisps of memory

seeking shelter

under the golden wings

of angel Michael

a prayer away now

whispers the moon in cloud

locked between

my bed and quilt

December chill

the tenuity

of her story like hearing

my own confession

without the priest I wonder

if I know my true voice

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